Be Excellent To Each Other

How flirty are you?

I voted yes, but with the "not very far" modifier. I swim fine, but still haven't mastered the whole breathing and swimming at the same time deal.

When necessary.

Swimming is awesome.

In Mexico 2 yrs ago the best bits of the holiday involved;

Swimming with sea turtles,
Swimming in an underground cenote,
Swimming in an open cenote with a natural hot spring
Swimming in the open sea after a speedboat ride with an absolute myriad of different marine life swimming round me.

So yeah do swimming.

And I can save bricks from under 1.5m of water with my pyjamas on.

I can swim a mile but not confident.

i think it is a mental block I have.

I absolutely detest swimming but I can do it.

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I forget what the various awards were for swimming. I think the brick fetching and pyjamas was Yellow wasn't it? I think that was as far as I got, as I think White involved diving in, which I couldn't do at all. So although technically I can swim, I'm crap at it.

Bronze, silver, and gold swimming certificate in my day. I got my bronze but couldn't complete my silver because I swam the distance way too slowly and the pool had to close for the night.

Before those certificates, we had Red for being able to swim a width and Green for swimming a length, then Yellow, White, then on to the Bronze, Silver, Gold

It was for a cub scout badge when I did it.

And for honour too, obviously.

Yes.

I also take great pleasure in watching Chinese tourists around here putting on life jackets, goggles and armbands to stand in ankle high water.

Related anecdote: a long time ago there was a hurricane in Florida. (I don't remember when exactlt but there were no lifeguards, so must have been out of season). Days passed, and the gift of a huge swell from across the whole Atlantic hit the coast. The wind was up a bit, so the choice was Newquay bay or Holywell to get some shelter from the wind. I decided to Holywell as some friends had just left for there and i just might catch them up.

There were five cars parked up and could see them at the end of the path to the beach as I pulled in to the field. I got changed quickly and selected the Big Wave Bodyboard (it has deeper channels to keep it in line, and a slightly more aggressive angle on the edges to stop it sliding down the wave). And put a shitton of cold water wax on it. I picked up the swim fins and jogged down to the waters edge. It had begun to drizzle slightly.

The tide was on its way in, so I didn't have too far to jog and standing on the edge of the water I did my stretches. There was a lot of water coming in. I could see the sandbanks pushing the waves up and it looked about 6 to 8 feet. Which was big for me but not out of my comfort zone.  Paddling the forty to fifty yards out past the sandbank took forever. I would paddle three yards, take a breath, go under the wall of white water, and lose two as the forse of it pushed me back. Eventually, i reached the main impact zone and took a set on the head. After that I somehow got over the sandbank, out the back, and was able to look for my friends.

I couldn't see them. I couldn't hear much, either, just the constant white noise of the sea. I looked about for my friends and couldn't see them, either. As I considered this, i realised quite how far along the beach I had drifted, and, at about the same time, that although I was past the first sandbank, there must be s second as not too far away, the sea was walling up, rather quickly. And it was big. Very big.

I remember paddling as fast as I could out to sea, picking up a little speed as the wave in front of me seemed to pull water towards itself, seeing the feathering appear at the crest to my right and left as it began to break, and pushing as hard as I could to go up the face and get over the top. As the nose of the board left the water i kicked once more to clear the peak and folded my heels up to my bottom in case I got dragged back. Then i paddled a bit further out to take stock of the situation. And have a  brief break.

I spent the next I don't know how long paddling against he current, trying to keep between the markers I chose on the beach. It was getting harder to see them as it rained more, and I was getting colder and tired. I felt very alone and a tiny bit of dread began to settle.

Amazingly, there was somebody else there. He paddled over and we had a brief chat about the situation, punctuated by nervous laughter, constant paddling and the occasional need to get over the larger waves. We both wanted to go in.

We waited for the right wave. The right wave was to be smaller than the others and hopefully it would land us right on the beach. If we got seperated, get back in first and get changed, then raise alarm.

The first time I paddle for a wave, it just went right under me. The swell was moving very quickly, quicker than I could paddle. So, i had to move closer to the breaking point. I saw my companion paddle for a wave and rapidly sit up and letting it pass. We watched it break all the way down the line. He shook his head. I paddled for the next one, and got to the edge and looked down. Spray was stinging my face the way hailstones do, and somewhere, a long way down was the way back to land.

It's really strange to recall that moment. It was like lying down on the roof of a moving van as a river boiled ten feet or more below. All was briefly silent. I sat up, pushed the rear of the board down to stall it, and looked over at the other guy. He'd gone on it. I saw a board pop up once about half way to the beach then saw him lying down on it riding the whitewater in.

I let the next few waves pass under me but push me closer to shore, aware the clock was ticking.

As I took the two paddle strokes to get the next wave I breathed out as much as I could. As the balance point of the board tipped over the precipice, I took the deepest breath I could and looked to where i wanted to begin my turn.   The first bounce on the face of the wave knocked the breath out of me and the second landed me at the bottom on the flat of the board, skimming  over the water with the broken wave behind. Somehow i was able to dig my hip into the board to force the rail in and change direction to head for the unbroken part of the wave. The hard bit was done.

Turning along the wave, i angled slightly downwards to puck up some speed. The full length was about to come down at once, and I'd rather be on it that under it.I turned back away from the beach and rode up the wave, turning back down just as the lip broke and tumbled down with me on it. I bounced up and down in the white water before popping out in front of it and rode it all the way to the shallows. When i was grounded i pulled off the swim fins and made my way back to the car park.

The other guy was changed. We grinned at each but said nothing. I got changed, texted my girlfriend to say I was out of the water,  it had been OK, nithing special, and I'd call her later and went home.

Later on, in the pub, turns out, my friends had gone in, then changed their minds as the conditions were too bad. I didn't tell them of my adventure, as they would never believe me.

And that's the overly long anecdote about the sea and how it can be dangerous

I don't know what most of that meant but cor!

I voted yes but it's not very elegant or good. I swam for the first time since I was about 11 (when it took about 10-15 minutes to complete a length) earlier this year at Lilian's 30th. I was slightly drunk and I think this took the edge off my slightly self-concious flailing / "I'm going to drown" anxiety. I did manage to knock out a few lengths though, so totally counting it as being able to swim.

It has taken me until this moment to realise that this says "floaty".

Oh, and I have a certificate to say that I'm a Junior Lifeguard, so I too can rescue bricks in my pyjamas.

Hmmm... where’s that written?

It’s in a Zardoz accent.

That would be more "flowty" wouldn't it?

"Flirty" (floaty) sounds more like Yorkshire (scum) accent.

I suppose the way I swim in my vampire cape is both floaty AND flirty though.

Agreed. Every time the Big One speaks I die a lot inside

Er ner, as she got accent laak lass that sez Jon Snurr?

I’d expect The Vision to be more flowty than yow.

They ow flowt down here.

Pennywise, piewise.

Ha! I just renembered:

Months later or maybe a year or more I was surfing Newquay bay and got sucked up the face of a wave , thrown over the top and smashed my head on the seabed. I looked up and my thoughts were "hey! This looks like Newquay!" Then "Why is that man shouting at me and waving?" Then "Hey! I know him! That's Tom! Hi Tom!" Then "christ i feel unwell" then i threw up seawater a bit and went for a sitdown.

Apparently, my mates had me take off, then seen a board pop up and then stay bobbing upside down for two more waves and then decided sometbing untoward might have happened before i looked up. Bit close, that one. I remember thinking " tbis is a bit steep...oh shit shit shit"

I learned to swim in the last year at junior school and then regularly used to go to the pool with my friends for fun. I got a life saver certificate at some point in secondary school, and that was for bringing one of my schoolmates to the edge of the pool using the prescribed method, as well as the brick thing.

Didn’t swim much after leaving school until my wife and I wanted to teach our kids to swim. After that, one of my old school friends and I decided swimming would be good exercise, so we’d go to one of the adult only sessions once per week and went most weeks for three or four years. We got up to just over 100 lengths within an hour. Not great technique and I never really mastered sideways breathing when doing the front crawl, so the 100 lengths were always breast stroke. I’m very comfortable in the water and can happily float on my back indefinitely.

Recently, I’ve been going with my son and granddaughter as she is now having lessons and we want her to enjoy it as a fun activity, not just within the lessons .... and also, being over 60 I now have a free pass for all Manchester local authority pools. Haven’t swum 100 lengths in a long time though.

Very

I taught myself to swim last Sunday. Only widths so far but I did about 12-ish. Haven’t braved lengths yet as the deep end is deeper than I am tall, and I am scared, but I am happy that I taught myself somehow.

I did more swimming yesterday to prove to my friend it was not a fluke.

You'll gain confidence by keeping at it. Well done!

To add to this, I have seen said swimming, and it is awesome and I am very proud of her.

I wish I could swim, but I can't, for multiple reasons.

As a kid I was very short sighted, and had to try to swim without glasses. Not being able to see anything in a scary environment is not good for learning.
Used to be taken every week with the school, and if you couldn't swim they didn't give a shit and basically pushed you in if you were a bit timid, which was awful. Again, increasing the fear factor when you are already scared is bad thing for kids.
I don't float. To stay above water is a fuck load of effort for me, I can't just lie back and wiggle my hands like some people. If I'm not moving at full speed forwards, I'm moving at full speed straight downwards. The amount of people who tell me that everyone floats and I'm doing it wrong. It's a bit frustrating to say the least. The only thing that shuts them up is to go in the water with them and have them see what happens.
I find being in the water very claustrophobic, which is weird. As soon as my chest is under water it freaks me out, the extra pressure making breathing feel different. I'm not in the slightest bit claustrophobic in other small places, it's just water that freaks me out. I expect it is to do with my experiences of swimming as a kid.

So, yeah, I can't swim

I hate swimming but I am stubborn. Open water makes me panic, but I still can do 1.2 miles in it (mix of crael and breast stroke)

well done Mimi.

I don't float either, unless I'm on my back.

Well done, Mimi!

My old school was a bit like that. They'd basically push everyone equally regardless of fitness and ability, so I'm swim my hardest and end up swallowing a load of water as I got more and more breathless and then after the lesson, I'd be throwing up. Fun times.

Not really a strong swimmer and as such don't like to be in deep water unless land or something solid to grab onto is close by.

I don’t float either, Trooper, and totally understand the frustration at everyone telling you that everybody floats. If everyone floated, drowning would be impossible!

I'm talking about physical pushing into the water though. i.e. i'd be standing on the side trying to pluck up the courage to jump in, and the "teacher" would come up behind me and physically shove me in. If you want to give a young kid fear of water, that's a pretty good way of going about it! I'm pretty sure that sort of thing is essentially assault these days

It’s certainly unhelpful, and upsetting.

I couldn’t swim simply out of fear. I knew I was physically able to, but panic stopped me. It’s taken me nearly a year to work up the courage to just do it, and I finally did last Sunday.

One of the most frustrating parts of being a shit swimmer is everyone who can swim tells me "you can just float!" and I CAN'T FLOAT AND THAT LINE IS NOT HELPFUL.

Also well done Mimi on your widths

Stop not floating, weirdos.

I can't float. I've genuinely tried for quite a long time before but nope, straight down. I'm probably too dense. And I detest swimming, that's what botes are for.

The friend I proved my swimming excellence to yesterday kept in telling me I could definitely float. To prove this she held me at the surface of the water, got me in the perfect t floaty position, and slowly let go, nearly killing me.

Yeah, that's how i proved to my ex I don't float, nobody believes until they physically do that test. It's inconvenient.

I can't float either. I don't particularly enjoy swimming, but I'm not afraid of it either. It's just boring and I hate getting water up my nose or in my eyes.

Well done, Mimi!

Yup! My friend said ‘well, that’s odd...?’

I can swim like a motherfucker.