Be Excellent To Each Other

You know what I hate? The phrase fragment "go ahead and" as in "I'll just go ahead and do that for you" or "You can go ahead and sign the form". It's so polite and redundant that it fucking pisses me off.

You can go ahead and add your own pet hates to this thread. I hope to get a bunch.

People who stand in front of the bus doors when they're not getting off.

People whistling, not people absent-mindedly whistling probably without realising it but the sort of people who whistle purposefully and ostentatiously, for the benefit of others and clearly regard it as some kind of skill they possess. There was one in the pub the other week and I wanted to throw a chair at him. Fucking wankers.

To build on this one, people that want to get on buses/trains and think that the best way to do it is to huddle around the doors so that nobody can get off.

Not just on buses. Loitering in doorways or on stairs is extremely annoying to those of us who want to use them.

Also, ambiguous queuers in shops and cafés. Either you're in the queue, in which case you should step forward to the end of the line or the counter, or you're not, in which case you should stand back.

Those unskippable anti-piracy messages/videos on DVDs.

Had to read that one twice

People who pile their groceries onto the conveyor at the supermarket till as though they are playing some sort of food based game of tetris, standing there with their next item in hand ready to pounce the moment the belt moves along another three inches. It doesn't affect me in the slightest but their stupidity just irritates me, I think they think that they are saving time.

Oh God

I don't think it's a good idea for me to post in this thread this early on a Monday morning. I may just spoil my whole "Praisebot" routine.

I'll have a think and post later.

Supermarkets! This is turning into therapy for me now. People that manage to block supermarket aisles in the most inconvenient ways. Bonus points if they fucking work there and should know better.

This thread was tailored precisely to monday morning. Consider Praisebot duties suspended.

"I want you to give 110%".

Actually management talk in general, especially concerning IT. "Can you ping me an email?"

/stab

They'd none of them be missed

The general public.

Even in Sweden? I thought they were all volleyball players and milkmaids

(I think my stereotype machine is broken)

I actually played beach volleyball yesterday. But yes people get in the way here too.

Kids who think they can walk straight towards me and expect me to get out of their way. Fuck you, tiny-man. I don't care how hard you think you are, I'm 14 stone, I will know you the fuck over.

People who send emails, then shout across the office "I've just sent you an email..." Cretins.

The I.T. department at my new work who aren't called I.T. No, they refer to themselves as "computers". Have a think about this for a second and you'll realise how silly it sounds.

The power of the mind, see.

I was angry typing.

Fortnightly bin collections.

Thick people who have no idea they're thick.

Those families, y'know the large ones, irrespective of creed or ethnicity, who have >3 kids who treat supermarket shopping as a family day out. Sometimes with the grandparents in tow as well. Fucking idiots. One adult should do the shopping, the other(s) should stay at home and look after the kids.

People who stop at the destination end of escalators.

Yummy mummies or any right on parent who thinks their offspring is the most special thing to happen to humanity and the world and expect everybody they come into contact to appreciate this.

People who litter their conversations with the same phrase all the time, this can be "yeah yeah yeah", or "I tell you what" or "It's like this, it is..."

People who believe they're entitled.

I understand their thinking behind this perfectly, and will relatedly add to my list:
People that think the department at their company that deals with the computers should also deal with anything that either a) has an 'on' switch, or b) runs on electricity. Especially fucking phones.

I think I might rename our department to "computers", actually.

I have this excellent image of you logging a support request and some 7' giant stomping across to your desk and bellowing "COMPOOTAS" at you. "FIXES COMPOOTAS NOW, YES?"

Oh good lordy lord, .

Except replace phones with printers. I FUCKING HATE printers.

I wish they would all fuck off and die in a rusty heap. Why does everyone need to print so much all the fucking time. I print signs, telling people how not to break the printers (which they never read) and nothing else.

21st century, motherfuckers! Do you speak it?

If you worked at my place you'd realise how silly they are. I had to set my own email up because the "computers" guy couldn't be bothered to talk me through it. I also rang them the other day about some software that wasn't working properly... the computers guy didn't have a clue what to do even though its a bespoke piece of software that was made by our company.

Our company also employs an electrician to deal with stuff that has an on/off switch.

People who rush onto the Metro train before the door closes, then stop right inside blocking the way of everyone else who is rushing.

I do this. But my reasoning is cram the belt though, so I have time at the bagging end...

And the unskippable warning messages on games. Like just pressing "On" on the Wii (must I see this every time I start the thing) and when starting any Wii game. I've seen that the PS3 has joined in with two tedious messages telling you not to smack anyone in the face with the controller with any Move compatible game. Tell me once and only once, or let me skip through them with the press of a button.

I was going to go on a big rant about things but now I'm too busy trying to find a decent copy of this Mikado song on Youtube to listen to and hum along to.

Ahh! That's it! YouTube videos that purport to be indeed the beloved film/comedy clip or song you want to see or hear but turn out to be monumentally awful 'parodies' 'tributes' or 'fan-edits'.

Excellent.

I refuse to believe that this is the first thread of this nature in here!

Most of the things people do annoys me, mostly through stupidity and lack of awareness. Move out of my motherfucking way, you gibbering twat. Doorway loiterers are the worst, shopping is hateful enough without people retardedly standing there having a conversation right in the way of fucking EVERYONE!

I despise half-arsed attempts to answer questions. I asked if you know something, not to randomly take a guess at what the answer might be. Dicks. Also: Incomplete information, I need to know what colour this carpet is, not just what type it is. Die, die, die you useless, overpaid, under resourced knobber.

People who look at you funny for buying a pint and reading a book in a pub on your own. It does happen. I once had a young woman - a perfect stranger - accuse me of being anti-social, even though I wasn't part of their group. For some reason they view choosing some comfortable surroundings with tasty beer and comfy sofas as an incompatible venue for a good read. Indeed, they view the very act of reading as some sort of 'better than' taunt. Bizarre.

Of course, usually I'm too engrossed in the novels of Patrick O'Brien to notice.

I was once on a forum where this type of thread was so popular it spawned a spin off forum.

It was called "People who say 'ppl'"

On a similar note I hate it when I'm told to leave the library when I'm sat on my own quietly drinking. Fucking snobs.

Hang on - the idiot who praises in enthusiastic tones every century but this one and every country but his own?

Missed this!
I sort-of do this, but I'll also put stuff into a specific order (heavy, non-squashible stuff first) for easy bagging action.

Also, aren't they technically saving time?

And you'd be right to do so.

I do it too. Conveyor stacking is the only thing I get a bit obsessive about, and insist on fitting everything in neatly and in the correct order. When I see other people in the queue just piling stuff on it makes me want to run up and start rearranging their shopping.

1) People who dress their babies in designer clothes.

2) Talking/Dancing/rollerskating CGI'd babies and animals in films and adverts.

Oh, people who can't cope with being quiet. Like when watching a movie and they can't keep whatever inane drivel is on their mind, in their head so have to pause the film to release it.

I'd rather be engrossed in something I enjoy on my own than sit wathing 'What Katie Did Next' or 'Hollyoaks' or 'Eastenders' with my friends. Don't invite me round to socialise then put itv4 on so we can all enjoy 3hrs of the worst shite to ever be commissioned for television. I'd rather be cleaning the kitchen.

I do this too. I get everything arranged on the conveyor as quickly, neatly and sensibly (heavy things first, delicate things last) so that when it is my time to be served I can straight away start packing the items scanned through, rather tan have them pile up waiting for bagging whilst I am still scattering items all over the front end of the conveyor.

Anyone, anywhere, using 'Cyber' as a prefix for anything Internet related. It's not 1994 anymore.

So what should we call Cybersex?


/waves

Oh wait - depends on the definition of 'designer'.

iGasms.

Which brings me onto irregular capitalisation on shiny electronics...grrr...

Winner.

The guy who lives next door who very carefully and precisely parks his car right in the middle of the gap on our terraced street. I swear he's found a way to take up three spaces. He did it yesterday while I was unloading grow bags and gave me a really dirty, confrontational glare as he went indoors.

Bellend.

Behold! THIS-O-TRON.

Every fucking day in the cafe next to work I have to ask if people are queuing or just standing about like cunts.

Pet Hates:

1 - people who say 'I listen to anything really' when what they mean is 'I only listen to what is in the charts and even then only when it's on the radio and I'm stuck in a car'.

2 - the way kids cry. That ultra-fake, insincere, shitty mewling that stops and starts at will. It's a fucking horrible noise as well. I wouldn't mind if the little fucks were actually ill or something but it's mostly down to them wanting a cake or some shit like that.

3 - people with no sense of humour who steal your punchlines. As in, I'll be having a laugh at work and will make a self-deprecating joke at which point they'll actively re-state it in without the subtle implication at which point it just becomes a second hand insult.

People who don't like flat Apple keyboards.