Be Excellent To Each Other

Obviously it depends what kind of crisis, who will be the most appropriate person.

But let's say I have a lightbulb crisis, I will automatically turn to Kalmar, who seems to know everything there is about lightbulbs.

If I had a car, and it was having a beauty crisis, I think I'd ask AceAcebaby.

If I was having a crisis trying to work out which wine went with pheasant, I'd ask Mr Chris.

For every problem, there is a person with lots 'o knowledge.

Do you have a badger with low self-esteem?

Let me check...













... Yes! There was one in the boiler room!

Excellent - that I can help you with.

If any pun-based crises break out, let me know - I'll be there stat.

You're the one that normally starts the pun-based crises.

I can' think of any 8 bit related crisis so I am of no use.

the bottle.

I am an expert in all things. Even things I don't know about.

Therefore I never ask advice on anything.

Except computers. Then I ask DrG.

And train timetables and obscure games. Then I ask MetalAngel.

And surveying quantities. Then I ask The Egg.

Although I never ask Jeeves anything.

We need a grammar expert, stat! I need to stop saying stat, stat.

Stupid Dell keyboard.

Incidently, when I was in the Apple store (spit) on Monday I noticed how terrible the new Macbook keyboards are. And then in Dixons I saw the Sony Macbook rip-off that had something akin to a Sinclair QL keyboard!

Anything daft I am usually okay with helping out on

Also animal-related things I am good at helping out with

(not to be confused with Crasters post badgers are not my forte)

Apparently, I'm a candle expert.

Great! I have a candle* I need wrapping for Christmas, should I just wrap it, or should I add other bits to make it look less like a candle?

*you heard** me!

**read

We're already catered for thanks:

http://www.carolgeescandles.com/

And yes, that site is real. I've even purchased a candle from Bob.

In a crisis I turn to myself and sort that shit out. It's not for other people to solve my crisises for me, and chances are they're not competant enough anyway. I'm awesome, me.

It's almost like you constantly say it to try to convince yourself.

Well that depends, if it's a pillar candle, the recipient might not know it's a candle from the shape, they might just think it's a small pillar(I'm sorry, I can't type for laughing, I really need a drink now). Are you trying to disguise the shape? If so put it in a box, or yes, wrap it with something extra, like a candle holder...

Edit - beaten to it!

I wrapped a candle last year and made it look like a large sweetie! You know-twirling the end bits of it like a wrapper?

Hmmm...or a cracker it could have been-I loved candles

My opinions are based on past experience

But who helps you bury the bodies?

Actually, that was always the best thing about the old Stu forum. If you had a question someone always had a good answer for you. That's what made me stick it out there initially.

Of course BETEO is just as good but I've not been that puzzled by anything this year. I'd totally ask here tho if I had any kind of practical problem.

if it was a personal thing I'd be screwed as all my family and oldest friends give me stunningly bad advice all the time.

Do you not watch Dexter? I use the Gulf Stream!

The one that washes up on the coast of Cornwall?

I'm not sure that I'm the man to turn to in any particular set of crisiesesisies. Maybe I should learn everything about one obscure subject, like caterpillars. Then, whenever there is a caterpillar emergency, I'll instantly be the guy everyone wants to know. Admittedly caterpillar emergencies don't crop up too often, but when they do I'll have cornered the whole market!

Man, I bet your corpses love the tour of Asia.

I would not have thought to have turned to you in a candle crisis. I alwas thought that if I had a crisis over what scent might make me feel happy, or how to best give a cuddle, you'd be the expert I'd turn to.

After living life to it's extremes I don't usually need help from anyone.

My life was all very safe and warm until 2001. I always had a roof over my head and didn't have to worry.. After going to the USA and finding out how families are not supposed to treat one another I'll always be a bit of a loner..

My ex wife's family were spiteful and always played one up with each other, so I got used to going it alone. Even my ex wife was distant and thus made me have to do everything for myself. After she left I was totally alone. Noone....

google and common sense, and not being afraid to do something yourself.

The perfect recipe

Oh and relationship adive I am told I am good at aswell 0.o; which is worrying as my own seem to turn out rather shit and [snip!- Gazchap ed]

That's usually how it is. We can be the most wise person on the face of the earth, but when we fall in love all our own rules and regulations go skyward.

It nearly caught me out a couple of years back. Thankfully I woke up and ripped off the rose tinted specs before it was too late.

But I've been told not to believe everything I've read on the internets - now what do I do?!

Measure twice, cut once. Read more than one article Nimrod

If they're different, how do I know which article to believe? I need to know.

You shouldn't believe anything that's on the internet, including this. In fact, you should do the exact opposite of what anything on the internet says, again including this post.

Ho ho !

YES! I have a use!



Actually if I had a candle crisis or a disposing-of-a-body crisis , GoddessJasmine would actually be my first resort for either of those.

Nonono, that's not right. The Internet contains everything that is true, and much that is false. If it's not on the Internet, it's not true, but if it is on the Internet, it still might not be true.

Heh Hurrah for emotionally stunted people!

So when you download a PDF about House of Kolor paint chips and the correct techniques to spray them, along with mixing guides, paint flash times, reducers and so on you should do the opposite? Tell me you're joking and I'm missing the joke because of my autism? Cost to spray car by using your brain $185. Cost to go to some bloke and get it done? about two grand.

http://www.harborfreight.com - spray gun for $13. Rent a compressor for $40 from sears, apply knowledge gained from reading, bingo bongo.

Examples.

Washing machine breaks.

Two choices. Turn to repair guy and risk getting conned (Oooo your pump has gone mate, oooo the thermostat has gone) when really all it was was a fuse of course and you pay out the ass. Thus, paying a minimum repair price and horrendous part prices. That's choice number one.

Choice number two goes a little something like this.

Google the model of your machine with the word "schematic" after it. Follow links to manufacturers website and download either a genuine shop manual and or parts list.

Take apart the washing machine, probe the bugger and find the problem (if a snapped belt or failed door seal are not the cause of the problem) then simply find a discounted parts supplier and do the repair yourself.

Another example. Your car needs to be serviced. Two choices. Pop down to the local con merchant grease monkey and have him find all sorts of problems that didn't exist until he was let loose with his knife and screwdriver, or simply download a manufacturers shop manual and read up on how to do it yourself, properly?

Remember when I said Google and common sense? Common sense is like 99 pieces of the 100 piece puzzle. Anyone can turn a screwdriver, and anyone can read (Well most of us or we wouldn't be posting here) so I don't see what the problem is supposed to be unless I'm missing the joke?

Yeah I figured as much. Oh well, at least some people can get a good laugh out of me getting carried away.

I usually totally take things way too seriously and miss jokes like that. Fart in the same room as me however and I would laugh and laugh and laugh.

Deadly serious personality, uber childish sense of humor. Doesn't fare too well lmao.

Take this ep of South Park. "More crap"

Ive watched this about 50 times and know it word for word but still find it hilarious.

"What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr Marsh?"

Haha, I have the answer !

What do you do in a crisis?

Make a total bellend of yourself !

Woooot !

I thought the Picard facepalm was the now accepted internet standard?



John - don't worry about it - I think Squirt's point was just that the internet is full to bursting with useful info and useless info, and it's a constant battle between the two.

Yeah, I was in a hurry and couldn't find one less than 800 pixels wide. I'll keep this one for future reference.

You weren't trying, man. I think it's the only image on the internet where Google image search gives you an entire page of the exact same picture.

weeel technically there is one other image which does that...