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 Post subject: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 0:26 
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Skillmeister

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I wanted to get the missus something nice and frilly for christmas this year, so I duly went down to La Senza to be mocked and embarrassed as I pawed through the lace and silk like a lecherous fat pervert. On arriving at said establishment I was appalled that it seems to have turned from quite a classy shop into a horrible Claire's Accessories teenage jumble sale. So, my question, where's now the nice place to buy these things from?

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 0:45 
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T'internet, I'd imagine. Being a single male, I, of course, get all my lingerie from naive friends' laundry hampers.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 0:47 
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Make your own out of chorizo.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 0:59 
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Agent Provocateur for something a bit saucy

La Perla has always been a lot classier than La Senza - google 'em

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:13 
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The missus recommends Figleaves for all your Internet based lingerie purchasing needs.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:17 
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Not to be confused with elbow

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Um...Anne Summers is also nice to have a look in-they do have some loverly stuff

Marks and Sparks also have some good tat as I went in and got myself a fetching bra the other day

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:35 
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Shinta Claus wrote:
I went in and got myself a fetching bra the other day


Is that what they call sheepdog bras these days?


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:55 
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Shinta Claus wrote:
I went in and got myself a feltching bra the other day
8)

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:00 
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Buying knickers off the internet ruins the traditional male trial-by-fire of being the only man stumbling around an underwear shop full of women who have armfuls of impossible underwear, reams of frillyness leaping out at you from every side as you stand there like a rabbit in the headlights, desperately trying to imagine what these weird lace and wire monstrosities will look like when actually placed on a woman before lunging at something entirely the wrong size and mumbling your way through a till-side experience with a smugly gurning woman who looks like your mother.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:08 
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Cras Cringle wrote:
Buying knickers off the internet ruins the traditional male trial-by-fire of being the only man stumbling around an underwear shop full of women who have armfuls of impossible underwear, reams of frillyness leaping out at you from every side as you stand there like a rabbit in the headlights, desperately trying to imagine what these weird lace and wire monstrosities will look like when actually placed on a woman before lunging at something entirely the wrong size and mumbling your way through a till-side experience with a smugly gurning woman who looks like your mother.

See, I don't get this. I stride manfully into the lingerie section of a shop, or Ann Summers for that matter, and walk around entirely happy to be surrounded by pretty ladies and pretty lady things, wearing an enormous and probably worrying grin, and will have long conversations with shop staff about what would be best to buy for the missus. *shrug*. I assume that you're a closet transvestite and are worried about them picking up the tranny vibes.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:11 
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Well no, I don't either - but actually posting the truth doesn't provide as much opportunity for waxing lyrical and, occasionally, funnee.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:15 
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Cras Cringle wrote:
waxing lyrical and, occasionally, funnee.
Sub please check.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:16 
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Cras Cringle wrote:
Well no, I don't either - but actually posting the truth doesn't provide as much opportunity for waxing lyrical and, occasionally, funnee.

I see you're furiously backpeddaling now you've been called out on your closet trannyvism.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:19 
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What's closet about it? I likes a bit of frilly as much as the next man. The next man used to be a woman, mind.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:24 
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baron of techno

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I thought it was funnee, craster.

For those items, figleaves.com or marks and spencer
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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:25 
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The only time I've ventured into a linger-ee establishment I was served by an absolutely stunning girl who can't have been older than 17. I was surprisingly relaxed. When I was single, flirting was hard. Now I'm married, girls do it to me!


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:25 
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La Senza is also ok. M&S is very good, though.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:30 
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Rampton Thundergush wrote:
I duly went down to La Senza ... I was appalled that it seems to have turned from quite a classy shop into a horrible Claire's Accessories teenage jumble sale.


Mr Christmas wrote:
La Senza is also ok.


M&S is great for nice frillies that are actually wearable. Ann Summers for the sort that you probably need to change into, rather than wearing them to work...

Er - by 'you', I mean 'she'.

I'm not helping myself.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:33 
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Cras Cringle wrote:
Rampton Thundergush wrote:
I duly went down to La Senza ... I was appalled that it seems to have turned from quite a classy shop into a horrible Claire's Accessories teenage jumble sale.


Mr Christmas wrote:
La Senza is also ok.


Ah, I haven't been in there for a couple of years. That's a shame, then.



Quote:
M&S is great for nice frillies that are actually wearable.


Trufax.
Quote:
Ann Summers for the sort that you probably need to change into, rather than wearing them to work...


Well, those too, but they almost all now have Knickerbox stuff in them as well (I think Ann Summers took the chain over). Knickerbox always used to be a favourite for "normal" every day sexy lady frills.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:38 
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Dimrill. I am the queen at buying frilly undies, as I may drunkenly have said before now.

I have two sugestions:

1) M&S - it's not your grannies pants any more, they have some really gorgeous, frilly, sensual sets. I like the Ceriso and Autograph collections, the Per Una collection is quite nice as well, but not quite so sexy.

2) Debenhams - they have several ranges in their underwear department, and some really gorgeous designs, slightly more exensive than M&S on the whole.

La Senza has turned into a chav-filled poo-heap recently in most of the branches I have been past/in. They started offering really cheap pants (3 for £5 r something and it actually seemed to turn a bit rubbish after that.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:41 
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PS - also, if your lady has a larger bust size (DD or more, both M&S and Debenhams have really good collections of those too. I remember my sister trying t find some nice underwear for her wedding night with an 'E' bust in La Senza and it was awful, that's a couple of years ago, though, I don't know if they have expended their collection beyond 'non-padded garments which are invariably white coton or nylon and will go grey in the first wash' by now.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:44 
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"you're about her size, would you mind trying these on?"
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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:45 
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Mimi's talking about pants again. I approve
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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 10:45 
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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:04 

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He doesn't own it any more. Against all rationality it appears to have got shit AFTER he left.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:06 
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Are you sure? His smug cuntery of a website still has him down as a non-exec director. The smug cunt.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:22 

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http://www.fashionunited.co.uk/news/lingerie.htm

3rd story.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:38 
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Mimistletoe wrote:
PS - also, if your lady has a larger bust size (DD or more, both M&S and Debenhams have really good collections of those too. I remember my sister trying t find some nice underwear for her wedding night with an 'E' bust in La Senza and it was awful, that's a couple of years ago, though, I don't know if they have expended their collection beyond 'non-padded garments which are invariably white coton or nylon and will go grey in the first wash' by now.


If your good lady is of a larger persuasion I would recommend treating her to a proper bra fitting at Rigby and Peller as the chances of you (or even her) getting something that fits well and is comfortable, off the peg, is pretty marginal. Be warned, they are very very good but eye wateringly expensive.

However, do be aware that you may have left it a little late to go lingerie shopping now as this stuff always sells out at this time of year and I still stand by my recommendation of La Perla for classy undercrackers.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:07 
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Dimmy - Just give her an empty box and tell her you've bought her a commando outfit.

Cheap and fun!

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:14 
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Skillmeister

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All excellent suggestions

Mimistletoe wrote:
I remember my sister trying t find some nice underwear for her wedding night with an 'E' bust in La Senza and it was awful,


Indeed, I remember having to stand there dressed in black and in my leather jacket with shaved head/goatee combo, surrounded by pink and white frillies while she had to scavenge around the back of the racks for the bigger ones. With her being 5 foot nowt, i had to reach things down for her. :(

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:17 
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Hughle Log wrote:
Make your own out of chorizo.


When a friend and I were once sitting on my bed reading rubbish magazines, we turned to a page of 'sexy gift ideas'. One of the sugested gifts was 'edible knickers', of which there was no picture. My friend asked me what on earth they could be made of, to which I answered 'ham'. She didn't question this and I never told her otherwise. It still makes me laugh.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:52 
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Mr Christmas wrote:
I stride manfully into the lingerie section of a shop, or Ann Summers for that matter, and walk around entirely happy to be surrounded by pretty ladies and pretty lady things, wearing an enormous and probably worrying trouser bulge, and will have long conversations with shop staff about what would be best to buy for the missus.

FTFM.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:59 
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baron of techno

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Rampton Thundergush wrote:
Indeed, I remember having to stand there dressed in black and in my leather jacket with shaved head / gimp mask combo, surrounded by pink and white frillies while she had to scavenge around the back of the racks for the bigger ones.


FTFS&M.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 13:09 
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DBCracker wrote:
If your good lady is of a larger persuasion I would recommend treating her to a proper bra fitting at Rigby and Peller as the chances of you (or even her) getting something that fits well and is comfortable, off the peg, is pretty marginal. Be warned, they are very very good but eye wateringly expensive.


On the other hand I have a friend who reported going to Rigby and Peller as utterly horrible, the person doing the measuring was apparently rude and unhelpful and the bra she ended up with was both expensive and uncomfortable. I forget where she said she ended up with a better result.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 13:37 
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Guwuffle wrote:
DBCracker wrote:
If your good lady is of a larger persuasion I would recommend treating her to a proper bra fitting at Rigby and Peller as the chances of you (or even her) getting something that fits well and is comfortable, off the peg, is pretty marginal. Be warned, they are very very good but eye wateringly expensive.


On the other hand I have a friend who reported going to Rigby and Peller as utterly horrible, the person doing the measuring was apparently rude and unhelpful and the bra she ended up with was both expensive and uncomfortable. I forget where she said she ended up with a better result.


M&S do fitting to

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 13:56 
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Goddess Jasmince Pie wrote:
Shinta Claus wrote:
I went in and got myself a feltching bra the other day
8)


I hate you so much because I was worried I had actually written that....I know have a bacon fry stuck in my larynx

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:41 
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Fitting at Rigby and Peller is not very nice and I think their underwear, though some of it pretty, is overpriced for the goods. Pay a decent price for something nice in somewhere like Marks and Sparkle, but don't pay for a name. I know you don't want a bra fitting, Dimrill, but as people are talking about that, each shop fits only to their bra standards (and then the fitting of each bra and range can vary within a store, though the differences tend to be less). Don't go for somewhere that just measures and tells you what size you are, you want a place where they measure you (and not through six layers of clothing) and then gives you a range of sizes to try on where they look at how it fits across your back, where the strap fits (if it is too high/low, where the shoulders fit and the cup, etc until they pinpoint the size.

Dimrill, if you are buying knickers, too, check the size of your missus's knickers before buying. Many women go for knickers a size larger than their jeans/dresses as it supposedly gives a nicer line both under clothes and when running around your house in pants, so don't go with the size on her jeans, have a look at the size of the knickers just in case she happens to buy a size up. If it is the same size as the rest of her clothes, obviously buy the same size she usually gets for herself.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:42 
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so, rummage through her knicker drawer... Mimi said. Don't try any on though.


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:45 
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Shinta Claus wrote:
Goddess Jasmince Pie wrote:
Shinta Claus wrote:
I went in and got myself a feltching bra the other day
8)


I hate you so much because I was worried I had actually written that....I know have a bacon fry stuck in my larynx


I don't even know what that means, but I assume it is a rudey.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:46 
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davprezzie wrote:
so, rummage through her knicker drawer... Mimi said. Don't try any on though.


I think you are allowed to look at your partner's knicker drawer. It's when you start sorting through the smalls of random people you are visiting that you should worry :smug:

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:54 
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Mimistletoe wrote:
Shinta Claus wrote:
Goddess Jasmince Pie wrote:
Shinta Claus wrote:
I went in and got myself a feltching bra the other day
8)


I hate you so much because I was worried I had actually written that....I know have a bacon fry stuck in my larynx


I don't even know what that means, but I assume it is a rudey.

I *think* it means where a man lets his winkle do white wee wee in another man's back bottom, and then sucks it out again.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:56 
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Kovacs Caprios wrote:
M&S do fitting to

M&S do fitting to what?

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:56 
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Mr Christmas wrote:
I *think* it means where a man lets his winkle do white wee wee in another man's back bottom, and then sucks it out again.


:S





Oh.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:57 
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Unpossible!

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Mr Christmas wrote:
I *think* it means where a man lets his winkle do white wee wee in another man's back bottom, and then sucks it out again.

You *think* ? [citation needed]


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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:58 
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davprezzie wrote:
Mr Christmas wrote:
I *think* it means where a man lets his winkle do white wee wee in another man's back bottom, and then sucks it out again.

You *think* ? [citation needed]

Ask Myp.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:58 
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Mr Christmas wrote:
define:feltching


And there was me thinking she meant she didn't know what a bacon fry was :(

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 14:59 
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I think it's actually spelt "felching", IIRC that Julian Clarey joke about Christopher Biggins correctly.

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 16:31 
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Mimistletoe wrote:
davprezzie wrote:
so, rummage through her knicker drawer... Mimi said. Don't try any on though.


I think you are allowed to look at your partner's knicker drawer. It's when you start sorting through the smalls of random people you are visiting that you should worry :smug:


The Animal Crossing games have come a long way..

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 16:33 
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I can tell you what it means if you liiiike :smug:

Seriously I shouldn't be grinning like this-its scary :DD 'mwahahahaa!'

If you go for a fitting M&S (Nearly wrote...you know what :p) because they were very good with me and spent ages helping me out :) she even had warm hands when she had to...do stuff

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 Post subject: Re: Tit pants and fanny hammocks
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 16:41 
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Mimistletoe wrote:
davprezzie wrote:
so, rummage through her knicker drawer... Mimi said. Don't try any on though.


I think you are allowed to look at your partner's knicker drawer. It's when you start sorting through the smalls of random people you are visiting that you should worry :smug:

And you should seek psychiatric help if you're digging through random people's dirty laundry looking for soiled smalls, though apparently it's considered acceptable in Japan.

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