Be Excellent To Each Other

Can I have some money please? Thanks.

I'm not poor or anything, I just want more money. Again, thanks.

Have you a spare kidney?

No, I need both of my kidneys, and all of my other organs. At a push my appendix might be surplus.

I realise this might seem like a poor exchange on the face of it. I want cash and I'm offering nothing in return. Think on it.

I would like to undercut CG's offer by asking for £1 less than he is.

Hmm, there are better offers on You Whores, I don't think you are working hard enough for my money, so I'm out

I've seriously overspent this month, I've only got £5 a day to live on until the end of the month, weekends included

i will send you one zimbabwean dollar. you got change?

I will send you a Manx pound note CG.....Got £2 so I can send it recorded?

All I really need to do is convince a lot a people to give me a truly piffling amount of money, and I'd be rich. Convincing a million people to give me 50p would do, but how can I achieve this?

Considering the sheer number of people in the world, you'd think that by merely asking enough of them would accomplish it.

Hmmmm.

Give me money, thanks.

I think you are overestimating BeeX's popularity a little.

Quick! (Linda Barker - Ed) has hacked CG's account!

I could kidnap you if you want. As long as you have an adorable doe eyed photo we could put on the telly when I do so, although I want 99% of any funding we get to find you.

You need a milliondollarhomepage style idea.

Maybe a customised angry British shouting voicemail sent as an mp3 to anyone who pays upwards of 1p to you by paypal.

Ask people to pay more for longer messages, but choose their own donation. Few samples on the site. Job done.

Your rage pays.

I will send you some money if you collect all of your bellybutton fluff and any fluff from sports socks that ends up between your toes, keep it all in a little pot and send it to Dimrill in a litle glass vial to wear around his neck in the spring.

Best offer so far.

I'll give you 50 quid for that computer you are trying to flog.

Which is why all those homeless people outside the station are actually millionaires.

I've had an email saying that I get a 50/50 share of 400 million dollars. All I need to do is send them a grand.

I'm a bit skint right now, but if you send me a grand I'll chuck you ten million when this is all said and done.

I used to work the the guy who coded that site for the owner. He didn't get a share of the million though.

Fancy coding millionpoundhomepage for me Doc?

5%?

Yeah, sure. Everyone loves two-years-late cash-ins, right?

You could do what a number of other freeloaders do, and put an ad in the back of Private Eye. There are always a couple of dozen ads with bank account details requesting that people send them money for some spurious reason or other, such as a single mum needing money for ME treatment, or cash for a charity worker to keep doing volunteer work. The cocks.

I'd rather be stinking rich than smugly original.

You know who need their own million dollar homepage? Women!

You poor dear.

Cardigan inflation has been insane, see.

has it broken the 5000 population mark, then?

I've often wondered how successful those things are.

Also, it pisses me off when people ask me for money to "Do a bike ride 300 miles through Jordan". I'm not paying for your holiday, you twat.

I've never really read Private Eye, but bloody hell some of those people are optimistic judging by the Online Version. 400K? Good luck with that.

Indeed, watching the local news on Friday it was all Children in Need stuff, there were four people holding between them a giant cheque for £1500. Apparently they had all gone sky-diving over the Grand Canyon.

Like a cave apparently..........

A wizard's sleeve...

I've already had an offer on it via ebay for 120, which I turned down. You're seriously quacking up the insane tree with that one Mali.

Throwing a pork sausage down the high street

Waving your arm around in a warm room

a cocktail stick in the grand canyon (without the skydivers)

I'll give you a packet of jelly babies and the moon on a stick.

Think about it. The whole moon, on a stick.

Milliondollar homepage wasn't a great idea, it was just a new idea. The lad did well to promote a quirky novelty until it was self-sustaining enough to sell all the pixels.

I despair and pity the countless cunts who then thought 'omg I'll copy this and make $1m!!!' and I'm pleased that none of the ripoffs have had the least amount of success.

As for the follow-up, pixel-lotto, well that fell flat on its arse almost immediately. It sold a little, squeezing out the remnants of intrigue from the first effort, but was less than 10% subscribed when the pre-allotted time ran out and now the idea won't be repeated.

Credit to the kid for the good idea, but things like that are terribly hard to manufacture and replicate, and I doubt we'll hear from him again.

Back to me though. Give me cash. I'll sell you a plot of cheese on the moon.

It didn't work on Toyota, and it's not working on us

Toyota are rueing the day they turned down my custom. New car sales are through the floor, and with any luck the cunt that wouldn't play ball has been made redundant by now.

Yeah, they are now. At the time, small cars were the only new ones actually moving.

Now might actually be the one good time ever to buy a new car.

I've jsut seen a Cayman advertised for 20k, and a Cayenne for 15k.

So Crocs and Pepper have seen a big upturn in these troubled times.

Overseas territories of western european nations are bucking the trend.

I once heard it said that if you're ever considering buying a Porsche, you should have double the price of the car available, with the extra to cover servicing and maintenance.

You could always buy one of my high quality t-shirts, but honestly I'd rather have the money, thanks.

Other things I can offer in return for cash:

Gratitude
Limited amount of respect
Disinterested conversation
A copy of my avatar
Oxygen (BNWOB)
Faith (religion of your choice)

Hmm/

the church of Davpaz accepts followers without payment. In money anyway

There must be a way to abuse the millions of idiots on Facebook to make profit. Some sort of "Look at me, I paid a pound to join to this silly group" group might work. Or an game with loads of ads or some sort of payment system for upgrades.

But Facebook is like gang rape, if there's too many of you then you're never going to get any significant amount of action.

Emotax?