Be Excellent To Each Other

For me it was "The Thirst" which I downloaded to my xbox from the recent additions list, last night.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0490527/

It sounded good (well, OK) from the synopsis, but Oh Em Gee, it really isn't.

V for Vendetta, hands down, the shitest film EVAR.

Probably The Mosquito Coast. It was one of the few VHSsesesss we had back in the day, so it got watched loads of times due to sheer boredom. Man makes ice in jungle. That's all I can recall.

I know I'm probably opening a massive can of worms here (each brandishing baseball bats no doubt) but this film isn't shit. I really enjoyed it!

Oh... and my worst film ever... Open Water! 2 people end up in the sea.. an hour and a half later they're dead. Nothing happens in between.

Yeah, I enjoyed VfV, too. Different than the book, obviously, but good in another way. Still, each to their own.

The Village

V for Vendetta was a bit crap, and awful compared to the comic (which I wasn't hugely impressed by, but it was far more compelling and mature), but I've seen many far worse films.

The robocop film where his robot mate comes back to kill him, for one. So bad, and so un-entertainingly so, that I can't even remember what it's called.

It did, however, feature a cartoon advert clip lasting about 15 seconds that is one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen in anything. So I suppose it might technically be argued that it has at least a tiny redeeming factor.

Oh! I know. Indiana jones and the Kingdom of the Wanker's Ego. A simply terrible film on pretty much every level. Like the Mummy Returns, but without the charm and sincerity and originality that made it somewhat entertaining.

The best part of this film is when the chick needlessly gets her (nice) tits out at the start. After that you can safely turn it off, or rewind to look at the boobs again.

Knocked up. Utter shyte.

I have seen V for Vendetta, and apart from not being able to remember a single thing about it, I am sure it was actually quite enjoyable (if enjoyable rubbish).

Seriously, The Thirst is in an entirely different league.

Wow that looks brilliant!

I thought V for Vendetta was pretty good, for the caliber of films which have been recently churned out.

Especially in this day and age, where the good to bad ratio sits at a comfortable '1 decent - 99 cretinized'.

It's one of those films that's good because it's bad-I have this on *NHS somewhere, it's great


*Hahaha...ooohhh....obviously meant VHS there-sorry applying for an NHS job

They prescribe this on the National Health Service? Impressive.

Do tell: What ailments do I need to get hold of a copy?

You'd probably just have to say you know me and they'd give it you-pity presents are great

Best not, they'd probably end up sectioning me :/

Miss Potter, still comfortably the worst.

I know, lets cast Emily Watson - a great actress who looks, sounds and has the characteristics of the legendary Beatrix Potter as Potter's best friend. And cast the rubbish anemic china doll Zellweger as Potter herself. Genius! And lets have a completely unsubtle script that punches you in the face repeatedly with obvious 'posh people are teh evil' messages about class elitism, thus reducing Potter's ostensibly snobby parents to gross caricatures that exist only to reinforce a shite, uninteresting arguement created to make audience viewers smug about their supposedly classless society. And lets have godawful manipulative music playing in every pissing scene. And lets have the Lake District full of yokels tugging their forelocks saying, "Gawd bless you Miss Potter, yu saved zer lakes, so yer 'ave, lummy," instead of the severe suspicion she got over buying up land there in the first few years of her settled life there. And lets train a slug to balance on Ewan McGreggor's upper lip, thus affording the audience the only laugh of the night from his ridiculous costume on such a po-faced, wretched, 'oscar worthy' production. And lets have every tragic twist clangingly foreshadowed and and and gnngh...

Agree with
VERY VERY VERY well said!

I would have enjoyed Emma Thompson as Potter though

Southland Tales. Everyone else go and watch Southland Tales, then come in this thread, agree with me, and we're done.

Haven't seen it, but your probably right from what I've heard.

Awesome description

Southland Tales is saved by The Rock doing his scared wibbly fingers.

I cannot choose between The Wicker Man remake, Batman & Robin, Romance and Boxing Helena.

Nurse Betty. I was only able to watch 45 mins of it before insisting to the missus that it goes off and that she never, ever gets to pick the films again. Rubbish Zellweger bollockness with the ever-overrated Morgan Freeman doing his best to ruin every scene he was in.


Deathproof. Quentin Tarantino literally wanking off for 2 hours. Horrible film which explicitly shows you why he'll never be good again.


but worst of all...

Alien Vs Predator: Requiem. Horrible on every level.

Blood Gnome.

IMDB gives it 3.2. That is too high.

I'm not even going to finish reading the thread before saying - hie thee to a nunnery, you mentalist.

I enjoyed it, but I've had liked it more if it hadn't been so stupidly dark.

I think I was probably wanking off for most of that time also - some of those women in that were utterly steaming gorgeous.

The worst film is "Tears of the Black Tiger". In Lincoln we used to have 'Thursday Club' where everyone piled into a lounge, got high and watched films. One time we got to choose two films, me and Billy were choosing. I'd just discovered Freddy Got Fingered and thought I'd like to see everyone's reactions - there's a film that is shit, on pretty much every level, and yet many do laugh and it is worth having seen at least once. It was followed with Billy's choice - this:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 0247890445

I actually hit him. Fuck me, we were all suitable amused by the peurile stupidity of FGF - it takes a special film to ruin that kind of a light hearted, daft ambience in a room but TOTBT manages it. It's just fucking shit, I can't even criticise it properly. At the time it was 'the latest cool Eastern film to watch" amongst those who don't realise that every country produces just as much domestic crap as Hollywood, so having a hobby of watching everyhitng you can get on import is no different to never missing anything at all at your local odeon.

This is one of those times when I think the world is crazy and I'm the sane one. There's nothing that could compel me to think that that over-long stream of bollocks was any good.

Nightfall. It's supposed to be based on the Issac Asimov tale, but in actual fact, only takes its initial premise. And then does nothing with it. The entire movie consists of a bunch of monks in cassocks (presumably to hide their embarrassment) mumbling at each other.

IMDB gives it 2.8 out of 10, based on 248 votes. As one commentator put it, "For a long time nothing happened, then, suddenly and without warning, nothing continued to happen."

Independance Day.... over hyped Hollywood crap. Could work out the end before 1/4 of the film had passed.

Bit ripped off from every sci-fi film ever produced

Police Academy: Mission to Moscow

could have just said any police academy after the original

Yes, but the multiplyer was paying to see it in a cinema

Scallawags is the worst film I've ever seen -- so bad that Channel 4 apologised before running it anyway. Seeing as someone mentioned The Mummy Returns I was tempted to say that, because with The Mummy they could've had the beginnings of a sterling franchise to rival Indy but, no, they went for the (creatively) cheap rehash and let something potentially remarkable slip right away. Biggest disappointment, at any rate, that one.

I thought V For Vendetta was pretty good -- it got the original's themes across in a way appropriate to a mainstream release. Moore might not like it, but making the movies that Moore would approve of would be commercial suicide.

I liked V for Vendetta - it got the spirit right.

And Police Academy 2 is the best of the series.

The Mummy Returns was too watchable to be a worst ever, and it at least partially made up for its weaknesses (including one of the most punchable children ever in a film, and I consider most children punchable by default) with its tongue in cheek attitude and general over the top style. It could have been a lot better, particularly if they'd taken it in another direction entirely, but for a bit of entertaining nonsense, it wasn't too bad.

One or two of the police academy films had a redeeming moment or two, as well. As a whole, of course, they're vastly outweighd by shitness, but the seventh one is utterly without merit, and even worse than all the worst bits of all the others. And then some. It's a good contender for worst Thing ever, never mind worst film.

Also Aliens Vs Predator was really bad, though I can't help but think that if it hadn't been based on such inherently awesome and famous creatures, it would have been merely bad (or possibly bad but enjoyable anyway for its monstery-ness), and not the tremendous pile of shit it is when compared to the potential it had, approximately 3% of which was fulfilled.

Perhaps, but I still need explaining to me why intelligent chap Stephen Fry thought it a good idea to be home immediately after satirising a government wildly rumoured for interning political dissenters and possibly extrajudicially executing those who opposed them and were gay/asian/jews etc. Also when he's got a precious illegal art collection in his basement.

Stephen Fry's work in movie - acebest. Stephen Fry's character scripting - less so.

The problem with this is that the worst film would be something like Curse of the Crimson Altar or Plan 9 or something. Trouble is, these films are actualy quite enjoyable.

The worst film evarrrr has to be something completely souless like maybe one of those American Teen movies (there's some straight to video ones which must be awful) or I don't know, Perl Harbour or something. I'm still astonished at the number of people who own that on DVD.

Because he thought he was untouchable.

...and yet there are those, like me, who adore just about all films in this category. Raised on John Hughes and then into the racier stuff like Porky's and Animal House once I hit double figures, I devour these films rioght up to today - I've got Garden Party and College on their way to me now, though I'm not sure how many degrees of separation each of these are going to be from Ridgemont. Teen America was the fairytale land we heard about when growing up, these were the films that convinced me it was no worse to be geeky than to be a 'jock'. If there was a whole genre of films set in Middle Earth, Rings fans'd still watch them all. This is not much different.

Which ones in particular were you thinking about?

Yeah I enjoyed both The Mummy and The Mummy Returns but the third one was complete cock.

They decided to move it to China and give the English kid an American accent, there was a few good bits where some Yeti's fought Jet Li but apart from that it was cock. Oh and they got rid of Rachel Wiesz too.

That or Conquest which I had on VHS. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085356/

If you're suggesting a big-name hollywood film in this thread then you're way off the mark - no matter how bad you feel the plot V for Vendetta or Independence Day is, they are still professionally produced with high standards of cinematography. Straight-to-video films in your local pound shop is where it's really at: jerky camera work, terrible lighting, dreadful acting and horrendous sets.

And with that in mind, I present - Killjoy:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250469/

It is genuinely hard to envision that a film worse than this has ever received any form of official commercial release.

If you are in any doubt, check out this trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GdZEuPe ... re=related

That looks EXCELLENT! No, really.

I'd go for Blood Ranch -



One of the 'reviews' -

I love that kind of adorably broken english. Unless it's coming from an american president, obviously.

Oh noo, Conquest is much too ridiculous to be a worst film ever. If anything else, it's redeemed by the scene where the two heroes use some poor sap for target practice for no reason whatsoever. Plus the ridiculously inappropriate gore, which director Fulci seemed to be contractually obliged to put into everything he made after Zombie Flesh-Eaters.

I'm sure there's worse, but one that springs to mind is Hiruko The Goblin. Supposedly a Japanese horror comedy, ruined by appalling pacing, as well as the usual screaming, gurning and completely impenetrable, meaningless plot that's endemic to the worst of the genre. Completely charmless too, but it's still reasonably well put together and functions on some base level. So close, but no cigar then.

Just because Independance day was filmed well does not mean it has a great plot. My gf at the time had to stop me walkign out of the cinema half way through.

You don't know bad films until you've been to http://cinemageddon.org


All previously mentioned films would undoubtedly be too good to make the cut there.