Be Excellent To Each Other

10 years ago I went for Lasik laser eye surgery.

My prescription was relatively bad short sightedness (-6 in one eye, -6.5 in the other), not by any means the worst out there, but enough that I couldn't see anything without glasses or contacts.
I'd worn glasses since I was about 8 years old, tried contacts for a bit when I was 18, but got eye infections and basically didn't get on with them, so when laser eye surgery started to get affordable all those years ago, I jumped at the chance.

10 years later and my eyes are starting to get worse again, and I probably need glasses, but can't be arsed to go to the opticians. I can still see fine, but things aren't as clear as they used to be. They say that getting your eyes lasered is basically a reset button rather than a cure, and that seems to be entirely true.
I've had 10 years of not having to arse around with contacts, or glasses, so not too bad. The thing that really pissed me off about glasses was going into a pub in winter to meet up with your mates, and being able to see fuck all when you walked in, due to your glasses fogging up Not really the best reason to spend £2k on eye surgery, but it was the tipping point for me…

Now, laser eye correction is a pretty regular procedure, but it is still a very invasive and serious operation, so shouldn't be take lightly. There are risks, and if you have large diameter pupils (over 6mm when dilated) then you will have ghosting and starburst effects around bright lights at night. I have that, you quickly get used to it, but you need to be aware of that and consider the implications. I was a bit annoyed that the surgeons and nurses didn't make me more aware of that before the procedure. I doubt it would have changed my mind as the benefits for me were enough, but it would have been good to know.

Regardless of that, I had the procedure.

It took about an hour, from turning up to walking out. 10 minutes in the chair, the rest of the time waiting around for various things.

First thing was obviously to sign lots of forms.
Then I was taken into a side room and given a couple of valium to take.
30 minutes later I was taken into "The room" and sat in "the chair"
It's a huge beast of a chair, with various robotic arms and screens kicking around.
The procedure was explained to me. First I would have my eye clamped open (think clockwork orange) then a suction cup would be lowered onto my eye and it would suck my eye into a ball shape (rather than the traditional oval). This would allow the automatic eyeball slit cutter to do it's magic, as that make the eye more solid and cuttable, a side affect of sucking on the eyeball is that you lose your vision in that eye, as the suction makes everything turn black.
Then the flap that had just been cut would be pulled back, you would be told to focus on the red light and the laser would do its magic. It's a weird feeling to be sitting in a chair and to be able to smell your own eye burning…
Flap is then replaced, and that eye is done, onto the next.

Next eye for me was slightly different…

The sucky machine did it's thing, but for some reason I didn't lose vision in that eye, and I saw the suction machine, I saw that open up, I saw the circular razor inside, I saw that get close to my eye, I saw my eye being cut, while locked down in a chair that I couldn't move.
That was an experience...
More eye burning, and done.

All good in the end, but one hell of a day.

Yum.

I'm glad my eyes work.

Oh my sweet Zardoz.

A colleague had her eyes done, and she wasn't happy with the result, she went back and they told here there wasn't enough eye left to cut open, so they poured an solution in her eye which dissolved her eyeball, then they scraped back the partially healed flap from the previous op and tried again. a year later she still can't see properly out of that eye.

You sure you were meant to lose vision? When I had it done, I could quite clearly see the whole way through, including the bits where the teeny tiny knives were cutting into my eyeball. No lazors in them days.

The procedure I had done, you were supposed to. I had Lasik, you probably had the other one available at the time, which i can't remember what it was called.

Oh my

PRK. Photorefractive Keratectomy.

AKA full frontal lobotomy...
You can do anything with a knife! Let me show you! * places knife in eye* seeeeee !

Wikipedia notes that (emphasis mine)

suggesting that Trooper's experience in his second eye isn't all that unusual.

Petite Ripping Knives

That's the jobby.

All the better for the squeamish then. They told me it always made you lose vision.

Ah, yes - I didn't have suction. Just an eyeball clamp then choppy choppy knives.

And people... do this on purpose?

I mean, who'd even think it up in the first place?

"Hey, look how small I can make knives!"

"Why the fuck would you need a knife that small?"

"Well, I ..."

"Go on, 50 quid says you can't think of a use."

...

"Fucking hell Derek." <gives 50 quid> "Fucking hell."

It's not the smell of your eye burning, it's just the smell of the laser being fired through the air. Apparently.

When I had my eyes done in September 2007, I had Wavefront LASIK with Intralase - the top notch treatment available at the time. Rather than a blade cutting my eye open, a laser did it instead. Much more preferable.

My vision didn't black out at any point during the procedure.

The most uncomfortable part of it for me was the pressure being normalised in my eye, or something, where a black ring comes down over your eyeball and it feels as if your entire eye is being forcibly pushed into the back of your skull.

My vision went wonky when they cut the flap open (which I guess is normal, as there's nothing there to refract the light properly) and I was told to focus on the flashing light, which is all but impossible when your eyes are streaming with water. They told me to keep my eyes still, which proved to be harder than I'd anticipated, but the machine can read up to 4,000 micro eye movements per second apparently anyway so I wasn't too worried.

After I'd had it done (around 5 minutes per eye) my eyes carried on streaming with water, I had to keep them closed while I was driven back home by my Dad. Got home, took some painkillers (I didn't get any painkillers or medicine during the procedure, just anaesthetic on the eyes) and tried to attach the eye shields to my face even though I couldn't see what I was doing.

I managed it, somehow managed to sleep, woke up in the morning with 20/20 vision which later went on to become 20/10, but is now getting slightly worse again - but only at night and in low-light situations. Got to go back in a couple of weeks for another consultation to see if a repeat treatment is viable.

I don't wear glasses. Is it really bad enough to warrant inflicting these horror-film levels of torture on yourself?

Yeah, I'll take glasses if needs be.

Glasses can be really fucking annoying...

Yes and expensive

Hmm. I'm now considering not having laser surgery.

Question: that flap they cut. Does it just heal like cut skin, or do they use some weird eye adhesive?

Stitches.

Naughty Davpaz. It just heals over.

I had stitches in my eyes, but that was surgery was for detached retinas, rather than to correct vision. So I got surgery and still get to wear specs... er, yay!

Yeah, the flap heals over and it's just like it's not there. You just have to be careful not to rub your eyes for a few weeks after the surgery, or get water in them.

The moment for me that made me realise just how different my life was going to be, was when I was in the shower the morning after my surgery. Something felt different, but I couldn't put my finger on what.

After a few minutes, it hit me. I could clearly see the plughole and the detail in it. For the first time in... ooh... 16 years. Was a good feeling, that was.

lies, it never heals, imagine cutting a jelly in half, it will sit there fine, until a big hit happens, like playing rugby or sneezing with your eyes open, then BAM, little flaps open and all the lasers they stored up come shooting out, like in X-men.

Gaz, I always use that story when I'm talking about 'some I know who had it done'. It's what tempts me, and I have to say whoever mentioned the valium added a 'pro' note to my list.

If you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs fly out anyway, killing you instantly.

Well, a year after being told she couldn't have it done, the missus finally got lazored yesterday. All seems to have gone well, although going home on public transport in shades meant that passers by clearly thought she was either a celebrity or I beat her. Hurrah!

Yay! Hope she heals quickly.

Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery

I'm sure she will anyway, but make sure she sticks to the regimen of the eye drops and other eyecare for the first few weeks! And I know it's going to be a pain for her to have to be really careful when she's washing herself, not to get water in her eye, but it's bloody important

I'm taking the plunge tomorrow and having natural lens replacement. Hopefully I'll be able to see you all at the quiz tomorrow night!

Good luck! I don’t even fancy an eye test at the moment.

Happy new eyes, Jazzy xxx

If you mean because of Covid, I don't blame you. But I've been for my eye check and to see my dental hygienist and they are all taking super precautions at the moment. It's quite regimented. I have to wait between having my eyes done so the theatre can be sanitised between eyes too.

Thank you Mimi. I need to be able to thread those sewing machine needles. Xx

Good luck with the surgery, Jazzy! I'm not familiar with NLR, but if it's much like the LASIK I had, you'll probably just be looking to rest your eyes while we're all quizzing tomorrow so make sure you rest up as needed!

Even the thought of the operation gives me the shivers so fingers crossed for a quick operation and speedy recovery.

Everyone! Smear vaseline on your webcams!

Heh, I'll probably be on the sofa with Joan's, but using my ears not my eyes. I've got the rest of the week off and some audible books lined up.

Thanks Kern, it's supposed to be quite quick, and heals naturally over a few days. As you say, fingers crossed.

What Audible books do you have ready?

'I spy with my little eye'

At the moment, Disney war, Sapiens and The Compassionate Mind. All started prior to lock down, but forgotten about with no commute.

I've also got a few credits from before I put my account on pause, so might look for something 'easy listening' if I feel more like it.