Be Excellent To Each Other

Hi folks,

I was wondering, on the back of another thread or two, if anyone had an experience of childhood bullying, on the bully’s side?

Either in primary school or secondary school, surely among our number here one of us would have been a bully or involved in a group of bullies.

I was wondering, if anyone was willing to say, whether bullies think about their past and regret it, or see that as a completely different time of their life that they don’t associate with their adult self.

Once, when I was walking with Darwin when he was about a year old, some kids (13-14) started being awful towards Darwin, as a baby. It was frightening. I often wonder if any of them remember that day and regret it, or if it wasn’t even an incident to them, and so much part of daily life that it never crosses their mind.

I’m sure that there are bullies that stay as awful people, but I think there must be so many childhood bullies that grow into good, kind people, and I wonder if that past affects them.

I never bullied anyone or was bullied but there's two distinct types I reckon. Them that instigate it and the ones that go along with it. The former are mostly irredeemable arseholes probably.

13-14 year olds being horrible to a 1 year old?!

WTF…

Yeah, he was just starting to say his first words, so was pointing at ‘bus’ and ‘mama’ etc, we were just walking into town and they were all hanging out through the bars of the school dance (so on school grounds) shouting at him saying things like ‘say “I’m a r*t*rd”’ and ‘say “I’m a gay boy”’, and the most ridiculous things.

Obviously it’s not bullying as such, as Darwin was oblivious, but I do often wonder if those kids look back and think ‘gee, I was an arsehole’.

I hope they do, because at least that shows growth and self-reflection.

(I did contact the school about it as it was on school grounds, but they were thoroughly unhelpful).

I was bullied a lot when I was at secondary school. I was the archetypal geek/nerd, before it was 'cool' to be one. I had a bad hairstyle, bad skin, awful NHS-special glasses, no social skills to speak of, and kept myself to myself because of all of that.

I was regularly picked on by the 'hard' kids in my year. Only rarely was it physical, most of it was just verbal abuse. Not just the 'hard' kids either, the popular girls in the year would also take the piss, and a couple of times towards the start of secondary did the whole "do you want to go out with me?" / "haha, I wouldn't go out with you, loser" type thing. Pretty sure that (amongst other events later in life, of course!) had a lasting impact on my ability to trust others.

The only physical altercation I remember was with a little shit called Daniel. He was about half my height, but he was a violent little twat. He did the whole "oi, what have you been saying about me?" thing as a confrontation tactic, and squared up to me (well, my chest) and then took a swing at me. The punch connected with the side of my head where my glasses were, and although it didn't break my glasses, it did force the arms on them to scrape all up the side of my face and left me with a couple of pretty nasty cuts.

One of the 'hard' kids in my year, and pretty much the only one that didn't ever do anything to me (and didn't really associate himself with the others, either) was a lad called Christian. He used to live just down at the end of my street when we were in primary school and we were good mates. He found out what Daniel had done (not from me, we didn't really stay 'mates' when we got to secondary and split off into our cliques), and kicked the shit out of him on my behalf. No-one ever messed with me after that.

I'd always wanted to do karate or some sort of martial art when I was at school (starting in primary) but my parents wouldn't allow it, mainly for financial reasons I think. Had I known then what I know now (in terms of TKD) I'd have just flattened him on the spot, but I had pretty much no self-confidence at all back then.

I was horrendously bullied at school.

I was about five foot tall when I left, stick thin, and basically shaped like a gust of wind. If you needed someone to hide behind a lamppost, I was your guy. Easy target. And let’s be honest—kids can be absolute goblins.
It took a lot of counseling to even begin unpacking the mess it left behind. The anger, the unfairness, the feeling of being powerless while everyone else just watched or laughed. I’ve come a long way, but I still catch myself burning with rage sometimes—like my brain’s holding onto a grudge on my behalf.
I think that’s part of why I moved away. Not just to escape the place, but to escape the version of myself that was built in survival mode. Starting fresh felt like reclaiming something. Space. Identity. Peace.

Bloody hell , sorry to read about what both of you went through at school.

I’m sure you’ve done better in life than those scrotes you mentioned.

I wasn't bullied in school, but my good friend Matthew was an easy target. He was tall, skinny and ginger and by the time we got to year 9 his feet were so big the only shoes he could get in his size were Caterpillar Work Boots. Watching this kid play basketball in work boots and bermuda shorts was like watching a giraffe on sedatives try to ice skate. He had no style, no grace and he was a massive nerd. He had sticky out ears and a goofy smile.

That kid was my hero. He never, and I mean never, not even once, responded to or acknowledged the bullies. They say no man is an island, but Matthew was definitely a peninsular of calm. He sailed through the day as if he was the king of school, discussing Red Dwarf and Star Trek with his nerd mates (me) and casually being the best video games player I have ever met (he appeared on the Sky Games show Games Zone, where he was bullied by the host for all the above issues). Through all of it, he stayed happy, positive and funny. I used to defend him and throw some shit back to the worst of the bullies, but he asked me to stop.

He's happily married now with two beautiful kids. Matthew, you rock

Sounds a legend. That has made me same, not the bullying bit.

That’s an awesome story.

A few years ago, I went back to my hometown to visit my brother, I was still playing rugby at that time. I had a decent shiner from a match and was wearing my team top—looking a bit rough around the edges, but proud of it. I ended up in a pub and spotted my old bully across the room. He hadn’t changed much—still looked like he was waiting for his growth spurt.

To my surprise, he came over, made some awkward small talk, and ended up buying me a fair few pints that night

That’s good to read too, Kov.

https://youtu.be/eijOLtvDk5I?si=w8nAqFDFQRn2Bb8E&t=660

WITNESS my mate Matthew on Sky One!

He doesn’t look that geeky!

He was 18 by then. At 14 he had shoulder length hair and a Klingon badge

Not using this group as a demographic. We are alll geeks

Ah…

Absolutely, in all the different ways too x

It is why I love all of you. This is a safe space, and having met a lot of you, you are all funking awesome.

After a one sided disagreement about metagaming, someone once tried to run me off an internet forum

You monster

Excellent!

He does, look like the kind of chap that teenagers would take the piss out of, because teenagers can be vile little shits.

Many will grow up, but others will move on to painting England flags on roundabouts.

Bro needs to learn how to throw a javalin.

I love Matthew! What a guy.

I had a Matthew, too. He was about 6ft5 when we were 14-15, shoes like canoes, really, really ginger hair. But my Matthew was called Rupert.

But as far as I know he was never bullied at school. There were 240 kids in my year, and six of us were white in a predominantly Asian intake, so I don’t know if that made him (us?) more or less likely to be bullied. Anyway, he wasn’t, and he was well respected. I wasn’t bullied at all in school either.

I was bullied horrifically at university though, in the first year halls of residence. Nothing like a bunch of bitchy white girls to bring you back down to earth and try to goad you into ending your life.

Appreciate this thread.

I've had issues with bullying, teasing, and public humiliation throughout my life. At school, university, at childhood and adult hobbies, everywhere. I'm better at protecting myself now (no reaction; moving away as soon as possible; techniques to avoid dwelling on it) but it still isn't pleasant to experience. I'm also far more willing to drop people rather than go along with things because I don't want to lose so-called friends.

I'm also aware of times when I've gone too far and behaved like that myself. Less so now, and I try to set an example. For instance, with friends these days I try to never bring up "that time X did something bad/silly" unless I'm 100% sure it's something they're happy mentioning.

Some people have bad days and act like dicks to make themselves better. Some people are just jealous and can't cope with their insecurities. Some people are just dicks.